Rick and the Scarred Lambchop Dick

Hiya! RCan's back and more nourished than ever! As you know, until recently I've been living trapped in the Candidos' attic. As you also know, during the duration of my imprisonment, I was fed nothing but sauerkraut. This takes a toll on a guy, especially someone with an appetite as formidable as mine. Now, when I first found freedom, food was elusive. After all, I have no money, no job and, while human meat is delicious and nutritious, hunting people is too challenging (there's a reason they call it the most dangerous game). So, what's a starvin' straggler to do? The answer lies in another piece of alliteration: dumpster diving. I, RCan have become an expert dumpster diver. I know all the best spots in town: the parking lot behind CVS, the parking lot behind Dunkin Donuts, the vacant lot next to Rockwells, etc. Until I get some cash (not happening) or improve my hunting skills (maybe happening) dumpsters will be my main source of nutrition.

The other day, I had one of my best finds yet. It was 3am, prime divin' time, and I was lurking through a residential neighborhood, desperately surveying garbage cans. You won't believe someathestuff people throw out. Here are some of the goodies I've managed to collect:

All of These Computers.

These bottles and cans, so they could be recycled.

This little guy. What a cutie:).

And the crown jewel of them all: this yumdidliumptious lambchop.

See, there's some great trash out there if you just look for it, and that lambchop is the best thing I have ever eaten, guaranteed. I found it on a tuesday. I had last eaten on a friday, so this was without any doubt the most delicious thing that's ever been in my mouth. Speaking of things that have been in my mouth, let's talk about dicks. Not the body part, but the type of person who would call the police on a guy just for living his life. Yesterday, I was getting ready for bed. Just as I was snuggling up under some damp newspapers, I felt my box shake. Alarmed, I looked up to find a man walking his dog. "Listen you slime," he said "you can't sleep here, this is a children's playground. I'm calling the police!" I scurried away frightened, but I'll never forget the man's face. He's now number two on my revenge list (after NCan of course). Soon as I find him, I'm gonna make him eat his dog, then call the cops on him. We'll see how he likes people interfering with his life.

Finally, I'd like to discuss my favorite movie, The Lion King. What a film! The music, the morals and the characters. O the characters! What makes the film so great is its ensemble cast of personalities who each bring something special to the film. But one shines above them all. I'm talking of course about the hero of the film, King Scar. He's an inspiring figure, a martyr for his beliefs murdered by a jealous naive brat. Scar inspires me, and every day, when I'm feeling or living down in the dumps, his noble personage raises me up. In short, he is the "you" to my Josh Groban.

Long live the King!

That's all for now. Stay tuned!

Cold Regards,
Rick Candido