Rick Makes a Quake

Greetings, readers! It's May and that can only mean two things: flowers are a bloomin' and Ncan is returnin'! Now let's get real here, I don't give two shits about flowers. I might give one shit, just to help fertilize, but certainly not two. A shit can be put to far better use than mere fertilization. For example, laying a steamy one in NCan's mouth while he is sleeping is a fine way to release excrement.

One of my favorite books.


Anyway, ever since my escape from his attic, I've been anticipating my reunion with my evil twin, NCan. Now that it's May, University of Bitchmond has finally ended its spring semester. Great! Now I can really start getting my revenge. However, everything was almost ruined when NCan let his as yellow fever get the best of him. You see, this asiaphile was planning on studying in Japan for the summer. That meant I would be stuck here in parts unknown with nothing to do but keep planning my revenge. A guy can only plan for so long, ya know!? I mean I'm beginning to go stir crazy up in this bitch! When I heard about this, I needed to do something. I thought to myself: "How can I prevent NCan from spending his summer in the land of the rising sun? Eureka! Initiate a natural disaster so devastating that the country will not possibly be able to take him in." With this as my plan, I set about putting it into action. Really, it was not that hard. All I had to do was get a whole buncha dynamite, appx. two boatloads full. Then, I set off a strategically placed explosion, and voila... we've got a 9.0 on the richter scale! Sure there were some casualties, and a worldwide nuclear crisis was just narrowly averted, but who cares. The ends justify the means, right? Let's not forget that NCan is the pure embodiment of EVIL.

My plan was a smashing success.

Now, NCan is back for the summer and he'll soon meet his end. Hopefully we don't hit anymore snags along the way, but I'll keep you all posted.

Sayonara,
RCan