Rick and the Return to Daylight

Hey err'ybody!  RCan here with the inaugural Spider Journal.  Now if you're reading this (which you obviously are, because if you weren't you wouldn't be) chances are you're here onnacountova lil' blog we like to call "Spider Diaries."  But if you've been enjoying the musings of our fav freakshow (no, not the human spider AKA Spider Man, I'm talkin about NCan) I've got a shocking newsflash.  I hope you're insulated because this is about strike you like a bolt of lightning does an enormous metal rod: NCan is actually my evil twin.  That's right folks, you heard correctly, but if you can't process that information let me update your software via capslock: NCAN IS ACTUALLY MY EVIL TWIN.  Still confused?  Let me break it down twin towers style.

Seventeeen years ago, the triptych known as the brothers Candido locked me in their attic.  Why?  I can only presume jealousy.  Of what?  I can only presume my good vocabulary, good writing style, and good  nature.  NCan will tell you he has a good nature, but that's far from the truth.  It's not even a modest nature (what a nature), but a jealous one.  In their envy, the Candido bros. locked me in their attic forcefeeding me nothing but sauerkraut for 17 years.  You can imagine what that would do to a guy.  I. HATE. SAUERKRAUT.  The attic was also infested with asbestos, which was not pleasant, but if you eat it enough it can become an acquired taste, much like wine or caviar.

NCan's attic, where I was held hostage and forced to live on asbestos and sauerkraut for 17 years.

Last week something amazing happened.  Malakai Candido, one of the brothers, came to the attic looking for his long lost duel disc.  The fool left the door open, and I scurried out faster than a malnourished lab rat who just caught a whiff of gorgonzola.  My skin covered in a three inch thick layer of grime, I sprinted down Corona Ave. in my undies, and relished the first uncontaminated air I had breathed since 1995.  Now I'm hiding in a secret location in protection from the Candidos.  They're after me, but I have a plan to set things right.  I know a blog doesn't seem very diabolical, but trust when I say that it's only the first step in a precise plan that will eventually lead to NCan's castration.  I'd like to see him sing in Choeur Du Roi without his nuts!  It all starts here with these Spider Journals, but eventually a 2 liter bottle of sweet vengeance will be mine!

RCan out.

Post scriptum
Just so there is no confusion: NCan is RCan's evil twin, not the other way around.  Repeat: talk about an evil twin and you're probably talking about NCan.  Talk about the good twin, and you must be referring to RCan.

Past post scriptum

Here's what I look like:

Itsa me, RCan!